Going Commando

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Dear Professor Genius,
I know it's all the rage to flash one's naked hoo-ha at the world, and as a woman who wears underpants, I try not to judge. However, I was recently getting frisky with a guy and was surprised to find that he's not of the underpants persuasion. Should I be skeptical about a man who doesn't believe in undergarments? - Bringing Breeches Back

Dear BBB,
I'm not sure what you mean by "naked hoo-ha", and why it is causing rage around the world. I remember the naked pipi outbreak in 1943, that spread through the world in a matter of months. While this did not cause much rage around the world, it did cause a lot of rashes. It was eradicated by the mass distribution of paradox devices*. I am curious about your frisky guy's beliefs upon undergarments. It is common for people not to believe in something that doesn't manifest itself in the physical realm. But not believing in something that is present in the world is just ridiculous. That's the equivalent of somebody not believing in something as ridiculous as cheese. Perhaps that is a bad example, as I have heard of societies in Western Europe that do not believe in cheese. They are called vegans, and they do not believe in cheese, milk, honey or any other animal product or byproduct. Even if you put it in front of their face, they refuse to partake in it. The easiest way of dealing with people who don't believe in objects that physically exist is to avoid them like the plague (or even like the naked pipi outbreak of 1943). The best way to do this is to stay away from places where these people can be found, such as shopping malls, monster truck rallies, and Republican National Conventions. Hope that helps.

Love, Professor Genius.

*By "paradox devices", I actually am referring to "unmentionables" (garments worn underneath clothes). Technically, by mentioning what they are they would not be unmentionable. As a result, they are real life paradox devices (as opposed to the theoretical paradox devices I worked on with Edward Teller at UC Davis during the 60's, but that is classified).